Saturday, April 29, 2006
where is everyone? seriously!
I've been writing the same paragraph for two hours and it ain't goin' nowhere.
I need a distraction...NOW.
I called my neighbor down the street---no answer.
I called my neighbor across the street---no answer.
I called my boss-slash-friend---no answer.
I can't call Maria Geraci because she picked up an extra shift tonight. She'd hang up on me anyway, if she knew I was avoiding writing a scene.
I already talked to my friend, Angie. And although that had nothing to do with avoiding my writing--it did help. :)
Sigh. I guess I should suck it up and write the scene. (grumble, grumble; whine, whine) BUT! I DON'T WANNA!
WAH!
posted by Mel Francis @ 6:04 PM |
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Friday, April 28, 2006
and then there was delivery...
Dinner was an afterthought. Fishdog comes home and asks if I'd given any thought to food.
Delivery. Ah the magic of delivery. I pay my homage to the creation of food delivery once a week or so.
Once upon a time, way back when, I was a pizza delivery girl. Boy do I have some stories. I actually wrote one of my first creative writing papers on pizza delivery.
So, thank you 3 Guys Pizza. The pizza was fab. It went really well with my Maker's and Diet Coke.
And I never had to leave my futon.
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:32 PM |
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When we girls drink too much...
This was forwarded to me. I tweaked them a little and reposted here. It's Friday night and I'm quite sure some of y'all will be partying hard tonight...just read these and remember. :)
12 ways to know we've had to much to drink:
- We have absolutely no idea where our purse is or if we even brought one with us.
- We believe that dancing with our arms flailing overhead and wiggling our “boo-tays” while yelling WHOOHOO is the sexiest dance move EVER.
- We suddenly need to kick someone’s ass. Especially the big bitch with the big hair and the brass knuckles who gave our date the “come hither” stare. We also think we can kill that bitch without breaking a sweat.
- During our last pee break, we notice that image in the mirror resembles a homeless hooker. We’re no longer the sex-pot goddesses we were when we left the house.
- We burst into tears and start spouting our undying love to everyone in the bar.
- Every time a new song is played, we jump up and down and exclaim, “Oh my God! It’s my favorite song, ever!”
- We’ve found a deeper side to the geek sitting next to us.
- We’ve suddenly taken up smoking and gotten really good at it. Look! A smoke ring!
- We yell at the bartender for cheating us by just giving us lemonade. Sadly, it’s that we can no longer taste the gin.
- We think we’re in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.
- We fail to notice the toilet lid is down when we sit on it.
- We take our shoes off because it’s their damn fault we’re having problems walking.
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:58 AM |
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Thursday, April 27, 2006
Familiar Faces and Licking Nipples
I used to take the youngest to school in the mornings. After I dropped him off, I would take a right and head to work...and almost every morning I would see the same lady out on her daily run/walk.
She became so familiar to me that I felt like we were friends--it didn't matter that I didn't know her name. I still knew her.
She was a heavy woman. The first morning I saw her, I wondered to myself how long she would keep it up. How many times had I started the same health routine only to give up a week or so later?
The second week, I found myself admiring her for her persistance.
The second month, I noticed a gradual change in her. She'd quickened her pace slightly. Her body shape had changed.
A few months later, she was running. Not a fast run--but it was definitely not walk.
By the end of the school year, she had lost quite a bit of weight and she was running with a little white dog. (though, she really needed a better bra to be running...those babies were having a party as she jogged)
Summer came, and I began to miss seeing her because I didn't have to go that route to work. She had really become an inspriation to me--even though I hadn't gotten off the couch yet.
I saw her in Wal-Mart the other day. She looks great. (she still needs a better bra...LOL) I bet she's lost 80 lbs.
As many of you know, I started my health quest in January. I've been doing a pretty steady job of exercising 4-5 times a week and walking at night after work.
During my walks now, I'm starting to recognize the same cars. Folks I don't know are waving at me because I am becoming familiar to them. Kind of weird the way life circles around sometimes.
Licking Nipples
I know, y'all want to know about the nipples part of this post.
Perverts.
Speaking of perverted, I got a call from my youngest (8 year old) son's assistant Principal today.
AP: Mrs. Francis?
Me: Yes?
AP: Your son announced in class today that he can lick his nipples.
Me: cough, sputter, giggle Really? Hmmm. I'm sorry, why are you calling about this?
A.P: trying to stifle a laugh and doing a poor job of it. Because his art teacher has heard him mention nipples before and is tired of it. So she wrote him up.
Me: snicker I'm sorry. This isn't funny--well, yes it is. I'll tell him it's inappropriate to talk about nipples in class. He didn't demonstrate did he?
AP: laughing now. No ma'am. But the art teacher says that he has to stop talking like this because it's so inappropriate.
Me: He only does it because it's getting under her skin.
AP: I'll just let the teacher know we've talked, Okay?
Me: Yup. Sounds great.
This child is going to be my biggest
BTW--I'm pretty sure he got the licking nipples thing from The Family Guy. Ooops.
posted by Mel Francis @ 2:25 PM |
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Ding dong The Pickler's Dead
Heh.
Pickle girl finally got voted out.
If the voting continues as it should,Taylor is next. (Sorry, Taylor you're a nice guy and all, but you're outta your league)
I think the top three are Elliot, Kat, and Chris. (not in that order) I think Paris has a beautiful voice but her youth is working against her.
The next few weeks should be very interesting.
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:41 PM |
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
we interrupt your regularly scheduled program...
I personally thougth Kat rocked. She blew me away. (and she looked like sex-on-a-stick) Generally, I agree with Simon, but tonight, his common sense had left the building.
And, okay, Elliot sounded great (even though he bores me a little) but to see Paula acting all "I need a tissue" over him was ridiculous.
STFU, Paula. Lay off the Xanax. Double up on the Prozac. Whatever. Just STFU.
Okay. I'll be back after dumbass is finished singing.
Kellie Pickler sux.
Nuff said.
I don't even care what the idiot judges say. She sux. She deserves to go. She should've gone a long time before Mandisa. But whatever. Say bye-bye, dumbass. Tonight is our fond farewell.
Hm. We're at a commercial now. Be back in a second.
Paris can sing. I can't believe she's so young. She has a beeeyooootiful voice and it doesn't matter that I don't like the song she sang. She still sang it well. Very well.
Taylor is next. I'm not necessarily on the Taylor bandwagon. I like him, but he's like a comfortable bar performer. He's got a great personality and I'd definitely pay $5 to see him at the local pub. We'll see if he "moves me" to wanting to pay for an album tonight.
I highly doubt it.
Okay, I've listened to half of Taylor's performance. All I have to say is, he's in the bottom three. He completely screwed one of my favorite make-out songs from high school. It was bland and boring.
Oh. My. God.
I think I'm having an instant orgasm.
Chris is singing Have You Ever Loved a Woman.
This is one of my favorite songs in the world. And since he's hot, it's even better.
Shit. I just swooned.
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:23 PM |
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It's Field Day
My inner child is hiding.
She's somewhere, deep inside, screaming at me for volunteering to be one of those moms today. Usually, Fishdog is the school parent. But something came over me when I saw KICKBALL. My inner child was not in hiding that day. She was jumping up and down saying, "Remember how we ruled at kickball in 6th grade? Kickball! Kickball! Kickball!"
And before I knew what was happening, I had signed up.
So, I'll be kickin' it 6th grade style on the kickball field today. Y'all pray for me or send me pink lights or something. I'm gonna need it.
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:27 AM |
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Sunday, April 23, 2006
Commercials that creep me out
I'll admit it...I'm commercial sensitive.
When Burger King came up with the ad campaign with the Creepy Big-Headed King in the ads, I sent them a letter of protest.
Not that my letter made a difference. Dude is still in the commercials, and he still creeps the hell outta me.
Then there was the Levi's commercial where the mannequin stalked the dude for
buying the jeans. Apparently, the mannequin wasn't ready to part with his clothing and wanted the damn jeans back. Dude falls asleep on his couch and the mannequin is there, standing over the sleeping man, creeping the shit out of me.But another commercial has now entered the relms of "ugh". And this one isn't creepy for the same reason the Big-headed King and the stalking mannequin. This one has taken creepy to the HNL. (For those of you who don't watch Mad TV, HNL is a "Hole Nubba Lebel"--in English, that's a Whole 'Nother Level)
M&M's M-Azing takes ho
me the blue ribbon for making me shudder intead of getting me to run out and buy their candy bar. If you haven't seen the commercial, go ahead and click on the link and check it out. Go on. I'll wait.You see an old stationwagon parked on lover's lane. The background music playing is "Almost Paradise" (Yes, the song from Footloose)
The camera pans around the car. Because of the steamed up windows, we can only conclude there is some heavy duty snogging going on.
Finally, we get a glimpse inside the car. We see an unwrapped chocolate bar (Yes, the chocolate bar is Nekkid) and hundreds of M&M minis lying next to it. (Orgy anyone?)
Then the sexy voice over comes: "Amazing. Colorful M&Ms deep inside a creamy chocolate bar..."
Oh. My. God.
I'm not sure how I feel about promiscuous chocolate.
Total creep factor.
posted by Mel Francis @ 3:20 PM |
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Saturday, April 22, 2006
Jaci's Golden Rules of Writing...
Jaci's one smart chickie-poo. Go now and suck the marrow from her smartness.
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:04 AM |
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Friday, April 21, 2006
and then he was sorry...
My 8 year old had a really, really, really bad day at school a couple of weeks ago.It was so bad, he came home and told me about it. He told me everything--except for the part where he was extremely rude to the assistant teacher. He absolutely refused to do anything she told him and apparently had a couple of ugly things to say to her in the process.
All this happened on a Friday. On Monday, I get a note filling in the missing pieces of the story. We do the "do you know what you did wrong?" talk and he tells me he'd just had a really bad day and took it out on Mrs. G.
I said, "Well, you should draw her a picture and tell her you're sorry."
So he did. I didn't see the finished picture, but I saw him writing the note to Mrs. G. He told me that afternoon that Mrs. G. really liked his picture and that was that.
Until this morning when I ran into Mrs. G...
Mrs. G: Did you see the picture he drew me?
Me: No. Should I have?
Mrs. G: Laughing Oh Lord, yes.
Me: Worried now. Um. Why?
Mrs. G: Well, (snicker, snort) he drew me a picture of a donkey.
Me: gasp. this didn't start off promising.
Mrs. G: At the donkey's head, he wrote my name and drew an arrow. "This is you."
Me: grimacing
Mrs. G: And at the rear end he wrote, "And this is what I've been."
Well, that did it. I started laughing and couldn't stop.
Me: Well, I guess he can recognize ass-like behavior afterall.
Mrs. G. went on to say that it was by far the best note of apology she's ever received.
I should say so.
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:11 AM |
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Tuesday, April 18, 2006
The anti-blog
I could post some more retro wedding pics, but despite the dated look, I still get depressed staring at my waist and boobs.
I loved my boobs. Pre-baby boobs. C-cups that were perky enough to go without a bra in a cute-ass tank top.
So, no retro-pics.
I could post some "here we are now" pics, but I'd just get depressed about the missing waist and the sad boob-like mounds of flesh. They are more like bombs now.
So, this blog is really not about anything. Sorry to waste your time. But I had to put something here....
posted by Mel Francis @ 3:25 PM |
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Monday, April 17, 2006
A long time ago, way back when
Here's how I met my perfect man...
The prologue to our story is that I dated a boy off and on for 4 years. It turned into a fairly unhealthy relationship. Basically, we became so used to each other, it was hard to imagine not being together. And, I realized that at 23, I was way too young to be settling. So, I kicked him to the curb.
Fast forward 3 months. The ex is pseudo stalking me. I'm on a date with a bartender and the ex shows up. I'm thinking, Wow, could this get worse?
No. It got better.
In walks the Fishdog. When I first saw him, I thought maybe it was the hangover causing all that woo-woo stuff going on inside me. It certainly wasn't my date who was doing that to me. And the only feelings I had about my Ex at that time aren't printable.
But, everytime I looked at this new guy, the woo-woo stuff happened.
I find out he's one of my college buddy's oldest friends. He had just graduated from college and had moved back into Little Rock.
He and I chatted for a while that night and when I left, I told my friend that he was the man I would marry.
And 15 months later, I did.
897
posted by Mel Francis @ 1:10 PM |
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Sunday, April 16, 2006
Happy Official Birthday, Bonehead!
Today is my brother-in-law's birthday.
He's in Kyrgyzstan, celebrating with the troops. We're hoping he'll be home soon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BONE.
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:53 AM |
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Friday, April 14, 2006
What is wrong with people?
Only one other kid was wearing a helmet. I make my kids wear their helmets when they're skating. But apparently I'm only one of a few.
Another mother was sitting near me and we struck up a conversation. She commented on how amazed she was that both of my boys wore their helmets. She said she would NEVER make hers wear a helmet unless the park required it.
"Why not?"
"I wouldn't want to embarrass them in front of the other kids."
"Embarrass them? What do you mean?"
"Well, if nobody else is wearing a helmet, I can't make my kids feel uncomfortable because they have to wear a helmet."
"So you'd rather pay for the hospital visit and possibly the long-term care of an incapicitated child due to a head injury than make your kid wear a helmet?"
"We have good insurance."
I swear, I don't understand people. My kids will wear a helmet as long as I can make them. I'm the parent. If they don't wear their helmet, they don't go to the skate park.
And you know what? The other kids could care less if my kid has a helmet on or not.
Sigh.
I really, truly don't understand people.
posted by Mel Francis @ 2:39 PM |
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Thursday, April 13, 2006
UGH!
What the hell is wrong with you, man! You could've kept Sally and changed the entire dynamic of the game. Courtney and Bruce would've come to your side--they were already halfway there! But no...that's not how you played it.
And I don't like it.
I think you're into this to see how big your ego can get.
Sure, it'll be fun to watch their team fall apart...but wouldn't it have been more fun with Sally there?
Dammit. My two favorite players are now gone.
Hmmm.
Maybe Sally and Austin will hook up and make cute little Survivor babies. If that happens, then i'll forgive you.
Sincerely,
-Mel
No longer your biggest fan.
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:00 PM |
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Growing up
Last night we were watching LOST together and I happened to just glance over at him. His legs are longer now, and he's taking on that gangly look of a teenager. He's letting his hair grow so it's now shaggy and in his eyes and he reminds me of the boys in the late seventies early eighties who drove Camaros and listened to Molly Hatchet.
My heart stopped.
My baby isn't a baby anymore. He was a 5lb 6oz little tree-frog when he was born. But when I look at him now, I don't see the baby.
I was having this serious moment of melancholy over my baby growing up, when he decided to rip one that blew a hole in my chair. Then he sniffed and started laughing.
I made a God-awful face and said something similar to "You're not right."
and he said, "What?" (and he added something else, which I refuse to print here)
Well, that set my melancholy at ease. He's not growing up that fast after all. LOL
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:19 AM |
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Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Mel's Thoughts about Diana's Thoughts on Julie's Thoughts
Diana's Diversions: Julie Elizabeth Leto on Getting it Written
This is a great post.
I'd like to add my thoughts to it...
I've been writing almost 4 years exactly. In that time I've finished one manuscript and I have 2 more half complete and a 3rd in proposal form. (about 75 pages and fully plotted out)
I worked on my complete manuscript for 2 years. I kept going back and revising the first few chapters and not going forward. It really hurt my writing. I became stagnant because I stopped learning the craft. I can't tell you what a feeling it was to finally finish the manuscript!
Finishing was a big deal...but I think the most important thing is to just write. Don't get stuck in trying to make your first few chapters perfect. Just write. It makes a difference. Your voice gets stronger with every new scene you write.
Your style develops with every new idea you start.
Your passion for the craft of writing increases with every breakthrough you have!
By the end of this year, I will have 2 more completed novels. I've already started playing with another 2 ideas. These ideas didn't come to me until after I finally finished the first manuscript.
You have to write forward, otherwise you're just treading water.
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:43 AM |
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Sunday, April 09, 2006
Woohoo!
WHOOHOO!
Now, for some writers, that's chump-pages; but for me, that's a huge amount. I tend to max out at about 5 pages at a time during the week and 10 pages on the weekends.
But yesterday, I was Butt-on-futon-fingers-on-keyboard (BOFFOK) for the majority of the day and managed 20 pages. Then this morning, another 5.
The first draft of my proposal is now sitting in my CPs' inboxes.
Anyone wanna celebrate with me?
posted by Mel Francis @ 1:51 PM |
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Saturday, April 08, 2006
A birthday abroad
posted by Mel Francis @ 5:57 PM |
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Friday, April 07, 2006
How to survive Survivor
I have been chastized by my former college roommate, Pam, because I haven't blogged about Survivor yet.Well, I was so damn irritated last night, that I couldn't. You can't do stupid things and survive Survivor.
I'm not sure who I'm more angry with--Terry for being such a dumbass and not giving the idol to Austin or Bruce and Tinkerbell for not switching sides.
IF Terry had given Austin his immunity idol then the game would've changed. Aras would be gone and the power would've shifted. But he held on to it. He'd promised it to Tinkerbell, but she decided not to switch. She and Bruce deserve to get voted out now. They had the chance to switch the power of the tribe and they didn't do it. Now they're gonna be goners.
If Shane wins this year, I won't watch again. Not really because of him, but because everyone around him was so damn stupid they let him stay. Have these people never seen this show before? Don't they know a manipulative piece of shit when they smell one? Has the hunger gone to their heads?
And until yesterday, I thought Terry was the smart one. I really can't believe he didn't give Austin the idol! You know he was kicking himself last night all the way to camp.
Oh well, next week should be interesting. I'm going to miss Austin. He was my favorite to look at. I really wish the girls would ban together with Terry. That would be the smartest move of them all...and really, it will be their only hope.
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:05 AM |
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Wednesday, April 05, 2006
An outsider's perspective on literary agents
Maria and I had a discussion yesterday which I am now going to turn into a blog.
We've decided that people outside the writing community have no real idea how exciting it is for a writer to get an agent. Maria thinks they think of getting a Literary agent is synonymous with getting a real estate agent.
And nobody goes around screaming: "I got a real estate agent! I got a real estate agent!"
Whippee. You found someone to sell your house. Good on ya.
So, when we are clearly thrilled to death that we have acheived a big step, the outside world is thinking "So you have a Century 21 rep for you manuscript. Big noogies."
Well, it is big noogies because the agent hunt is tough. Some people get lucky and query the right agent at the right time and get the right response, just a few queries into the process. But sometimes, people search for years for the right agent, the right timing, the right project.
And sometimes, people sign with the wrong agent for them but don't know it until it's too late.
Agents and writers have a business partnership. I know most people think of it as the writer hires the agent, but really, it's more of a joint business venture.
For the non-writers in the world, this is how a typical agent/author partnership begins:
Author queries the agent. If author has done the proper homework, author is not wasting time querying agents who do not handle their type of work.
Agent reads query and decides to read more or reject. This can take anywhere from a day to several months. Timing and fate have a lot to do with how long it takes for a query to be answered.
If agent decides they want to read the work, they send a request to the author to submit a partial or full manuscript.
If agent rejects, then the author is done with that agent with that particular manuscript. The author may query the agent with a different manuscript.
If it's a partial, the agent reads it and decides to read more or decides to reject.
If agent wants more, they request the full manuscript.
Then they decide if the project is right for them. Sometimes they like the voice of the author but not the particular story. Sometimes they like the story but don't love it. Sometimes they love it but don't know if they can sell it. Sometimes it works out and they offer to rep it.
This can go on and on and on until the author finds the right agent. It can take YEARS to find the right agent. Some people swear it's easier to get published than it is to get an agent.
So, all that said, getting a Literary agent is not like getting a real estate agent. Any real estate agent will offer to sell your house. A reputible literary agent will offer if it's a good fit. A bad fit can be detrimental.
And it is really big noogies when an author signs an agent!
posted by Mel Francis @ 11:36 AM |
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Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Parallel Attraction released today!
Geologist Kelsey Wells is fiercely attracted to Jared, but her fiery lover speaks of alien wars and time travel and is hiding something that could cost them a love that transcends time and space.
posted by Mel Francis @ 11:39 AM |
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Monday, April 03, 2006
Weekend wrap up
Sunday, we watched a couple of movies: Domino (with Kiera Knightley) and Just Friends (with Ryan Reynolds) Domino was good, but it wasn't what I expected. I thought it would be more action and less drama...but it was the opposite. So, at times it was a little slow. The cinematography was outstanding though. Just Friends was actually very funny. It was better than I expected.
Last night, some ferocious storms rolled through. I went to bed late because I wanted to stay up and watch Big Love. I missed the 9:00 showing because I had to watch Grey's Anatomy. (And I was NOT disappointed, either. It looks like Chris O'Donnell is joining the cast. YUMMY!)
So, anyway, I really like the HBO show, Big Love (it's about a polygamist family) and I wanted to see it and wasn't really sleepy. At 1:00 am I turned the light out and wouldn't you know it, the storms rolled in at 1:20 am.
I didn't sleep much at all because they weren't good sleep storms. They were more like, "Shit, I hope my roof holds and that tree doesn't blow over" storms. And now I'm really tired.
How was your weekend? Get any anything accomplished?
posted by Mel Francis @ 2:59 PM |
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Sunday, April 02, 2006
Okay, now I can tell you!
Hehehehee.I'm so freaking excited! I can't tell you what great news this is!
This news really has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with my ultra fabulous CP--Maria Geraci.
Dear, sweet, talented, Maria Geraci received an offer of representation from Deidre Knight of TKA.
Not only is this awesome because Deidre is a fantastic agent with an outstanding work ethic and eye for talent. It's doubly fabulous because she's my agent, too.
I'm so excited! Can you tell????
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:10 AM |
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Saturday, April 01, 2006
I'm so freaking excited!
I know something you don't know.I'll give you a hint...it has nothing to do with me.
Stay tuned...
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:16 PM |
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