Melissa Francis : Bitchin' Fiction!: i'll be your bitch, steve...

Saturday, April 07, 2007
i'll be your bitch, steve...

Okay, I have a confession to make. It's not a pretty one and it may shock some folks, but I can't go on until I clear my conscience--or cleanse my soul. Or just say it out loud to make myself happy. Whatever.

I'm a naughty girl. (this is not my whole confession...merely an attempt at an explanation) I have always known myself to be slightly naughty, but then one morning a long time ago, as my child and I watched Nick Jr. , I discovered that my naughty river ran deep.

I developed a crush on Steve from Blue's Clues.

It's true. Even wearing that green striped shirt and with that stupid haircut, I found myself crushing on Steve. Deep inside my naughty river, I knew that Steve was more than Blue's favorite playmate. That he needed an outlet for his creativity and (boy could I think of some creative ways to give him his outlet).

But the more I had these thoughts, the dirtier I felt. This is STEVE. From BLUE'S CLUES. I mean, what kind of sicko has thoughts like "I've got a clue for ya." or "I'll be your bitch."

So, I repressed my dirty side and my naughty river dried up. Or so I thought.

Thanks to Feisty, my naughty river is running at full speed again. Hell, it's crashed the dam and flooded all the little good girl villages that had successfully taken over during the drought.

You see, Steve Burns is an indie rocker. He's a friend of The Flaming Lips and he has an album out and another one on the way.

And he's sexxxy. Check out his MySpace Page. And I'm in LURVE again. But this time, my naughtiness is justified as there are no little blue dogs running around nipping at his feet and he's not wearing that ugly ass green shirt and talking to salt and pepper shakers.

He's rocking out and I'm now a very naughty fangirl.

Labels: lurve, lust

posted by Mel Francis @ 10:01 AM |

11 Comments:

At 4/07/2007 11:42:00 AM, Liz said...: Oh my god. Well written and funny.

I sort of made a similar confession over at Killer Rants when I outted myself as a Stephen Colbert groupie.

I have to disagree with you on Steve. Guys that are 28 but look 15 creep me out a little bit. But, if it makes you feel any better, my BFF has a crush on one of the Wiggles.
At 4/07/2007 07:17:00 PM, Rachel said...: I will never look at him the same. He is hot, under all that combed hair and goofy shirt. Thanks for turning me on...to his 'other' lifestyle and great music that is.
At 4/07/2007 07:48:00 PM, Kristen Painter said...: I'm a little bit frightened by all this.
At 4/07/2007 08:00:00 PM, Mel Francis said...: he's hot. I don't care what y'all say.
At 4/08/2007 12:17:00 AM, Emma said...: He is hot. I'm mildly ashamed to admit I'd like to give him a clue or two.
At 4/08/2007 12:18:00 AM, Karen Erickson said...: Your naughty river...

That cracked me up.

"A clue a clue!"
At 4/08/2007 03:55:00 PM, Killer said...: When you are daydreaming about getting freaky with Steve, does Blue ever pop up and give tips on sex positions in his high pitched doggy bark?

Or, worse yet, do you hear little kids yelling out things like, "smack her ass" or something strange like that?
At 4/08/2007 10:50:00 PM, Lillian Feisty said...: Okay, we have been watching Blue all weekend and then some (thanks, Spring Break!) and all I keep thinking is, "Steve! I wanna be your bitch!"

That must be wrong.

Also, Manroot keeps talking about my Naugty River. I'm not sure what he wants to see, exactly.

Did you know Steve is goin' to college?
At 4/09/2007 09:40:00 AM, MariaGeraci said...: Kristen,

Mel has been frightening me for years. It's part of why I love her...
At 4/09/2007 10:12:00 AM, Mel Francis said...: Killer, I can honestly say that kids and blue dogs are no where near my fantasy land...however, the phrase "smack her ass" definitely have a place in my world...

Woof.

Apparently my husband is a little surprised to discover I have a naughty river. I think I'll buy him a green striped shirt and help him find a clue...
At 4/09/2007 02:23:00 PM, Jenna Mayson said...: He can blue my clues anytime with that new rocker chic I don't have any money but I'm hot look. But with the green striped shirt, that's a negative.

Wonder if he's got a tattoo of the dog print on his ass.