Wednesday, February 28, 2007
thirteen year old boys
Just. Shoot. Me.
Honestly. It might save a child's life....
posted by Mel Francis @ 6:49 PM |
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Tuesday, February 27, 2007
hot buttons
One is censorship in any form. (as noted by my outrage over the proposal to ban books because of the word scrotum)
Another is forcing your beliefs onto someone else...whether they be political, religious, or parenting styles.
And another is copyright infringement. Even before I was a writer, I believed in supporting the artist whenever possible. I don't like to buy books or CDs at garage sales or resale stores because I think it's important the artist gets paid for their work. So, imagine my shock and frustration to discover that esnips.com allows its members to post full books in their entirety for free download.
Authors like Meg Cabot, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Kasey Michaels, Lemony Snicket, John Grisham, Jayne Ann Krentz, Linda Howard, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Alison Kent, Gena Showalter, Jaci Burton, Jennifer Crusie...need I go on?
Offering free downloads of books is taking money directly out of the author's pocket. It has to be stopped.
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:56 AM |
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Friday, February 23, 2007
spring fever
It's been sunny and the temp has been in the 60s this week and I've been dying to play hooky.
Here is a list of my favorite spring things:
- Sleeping with the windows open
- Waking to birds chirping
- Daffodils
- The smell of the first mow of the season
- Sitting on my back patio drinking a glass of white wine
- Dining al fresco
- Thunderstorms one day, beautiful, bright, blue skies the next
- Soccer when it's warm
- Walking after work
- Honeysuckle
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:01 AM |
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Thursday, February 22, 2007
planning ahead...
The fam and I are headed to sunny Florida in two weeks. Since we'll be gone for 11 days, the Fishdog and I have decided it might be prudent to start planning now.
So yesterday at lunch, we began to plan by making lists. Now, I've never been a list maker. I'm more of an organic, go-with-the-flow kinda gal. List making has always been too structured for me. You MUST complete this list or you have failed! Aaaagh! That goes against my go-with-the-flow nature!
But, I'm glad we made a list, cuz I see Fishdog has a lot to do before we leave.
I really can't wait to head out. We're going to Tallahassee for a couple of days to visit the Geraci
Clan. Then we're headed down to Orlando to do the Disney/Universal Stuidos thing for a few days. We're meeting my parents and my brother and his family there. We've rented a big house with a pool, so it should be a lot of fun. (with the help of a fermented beverage or two. That is a lot of family in one space...)Rader hasn't been to Disney yet. He's 9, so it should be just about right for him to truly enjoy the rides. I'm excited about riding the Incredible Hulk Coaster with Rader. Totally stoked. Ian likes coasters, but he's not fond of upside down...I prefer upside down over long drops. The Incredible Hulk Coaster has 7 inversions. Awesome.
After our Orlando stint, we're traveling to the coast for a day or two. Ahhhh, the beach. I'll get to see my friend and now my face crack dealer, Angie, and her sweet six month old baby. And if it all works out, I'll get to meet Mr. Angie.
Then it's home again. Fishdog will be busy with laundry on Sunday while I rest. Laying out on the beach can be exhausting!
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:41 AM |
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Tuesday, February 20, 2007
as if banning books could get any lower..
Apparently some school librarians are so shocked that the word "scrotum" appears in a Newbery-winning children's book, that they are banning it.
Yeah, how very sad that you would compare the word scrotum being used properly to the antics of Howard Stern.“This book included what I call a Howard Stern-type shock treatment just to see how far they could push the envelope, but they didn’t have the children in mind,” Dana Nilsson, a teacher and librarian in Durango, Colo., wrote on LM_Net, a mailing list that reaches more than 16,000 school librarians. “How very sad.”
“I think it’s a good case of an author not realizing her audience,” said Frederick Muller, a librarian at Halsted Middle School in Newton, N.J. “If I were a third- or fourth-grade teacher, I wouldn’t want to have to explain that.”Oh no! I'd truly hate to have to explain the word scrotum to a child between the ages of 9-12. I'm sure they've NEVER heard that word before.
My God. Shouldn't we be more concerned about any 9-12 year olds out there who don't know what a scrotum is?
Here's the text that is causing all the uproar:
(set up: Lucky is a 10 year old orphan. She overhears another character talking about seeing his dog get bitten on the scrotum by a rattlesnake.)
Now if she had heard "sweaty ballsack" instead of scrotum, then maybe they'd have a point. But when did using anatomically correct terms become so shameful and taboo?“Scrotum sounded to Lucky like something green that comes up when you have the flu and cough too much,” the book continues. “It sounded medical and secret, but also important.”
What is wrong with society when we try to shame children for asking things like "what's a vagina or what's a scrotum?" Why are some adults embarrassed to answer those questions.
You know, those words are in the dictionary. If you're not comfortable with answering the question, tell the kid to look it up! But don't ban a book in the name of shielding the children.
That's where the shame lies in this story...
posted by Mel Francis @ 6:25 PM |
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10 things...
- I played on an undefeated basketball team all the way through Jr. High. We lost our first game our Sophomore year.
- I broke my tailbone trying to slip-n-slide standing up. I made it about 1/4 of the way down the strip and busted my ass. Literally. I found out later, someone had added vegetable oil to slip-n-slide. Do not try this at home.
- I had Lyme's Disease 4 years ago and now have some minor arthritis in my elbows as a result.
- The night I met Fishdog I was on a date with another man. (A former schoolmate of Fishdog's) When the date was over, I called my girlfriend and told her I met the man I was gonna marry. Five months later, we were engaged.
- I had a cancerous mole removed from my hip when I was fifteen(It had 5 inch roots, so it was a pretty involved sugery. I still have a scar.) When I woke up from the surgery, I asked the doctor to pack and bandage me well enough so I could play softball that night. He laughed and said he'd do it but there would be no way I would even want to play. I hit four homeruns that game.
- I was adopted as a baby. No I do not know my birth parents. Yes, I would like to find them but not because I am unhappy with my parents. Just natural curiosity. (Plus I wanna know if I can blame my fat ass on genetics or if it's all my fault)
- I've never traveled outside the United States. I don't even have a passport. (yet)
- I smoked for 4 years and quit cold turkey when I turned 21. I still occasionally crave a cigarette.
- I had toxemia with my first pregnancy. I was on bed rest for 4 weeks and after an emergency C-section due to my off the charts blood pressure, had my baby 4 weeks early. He weighed 5lbs 6 oz and looked like a little treefrog.
- My second pregnancy was textbook perfect, except that he came 3.5 weeks early. He weighed 8lbs 6 oz and looked like my first born did at 3 months old. LOL. I'm glad he didn't go to term Sheesh.
Okay, there you go. I'm not tagging anyone, but if you decide to play, leave me a comment so I can check it out.
Anything surprise you?
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:39 AM |
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Monday, February 19, 2007
the heinous anus
Work was busy last week, then I went home to meet with some former high school classmates to help plan our 20 year reunion. Yes, 20 years. Shut up.
Never fear though. I have returned with a story.
Tonight was the first of our weekly travels to Tupelo for Ian's soccer team. Not a bad drive--about 40 minutes away. We're carpooling and since we have a Mom-mobile, we took a couple of extra kids with us.
After we had our asses handed to us by a much more skilled team we piled back into the Mom-mobil
e and headed home. We couldn't have been in the vehicle for more than a minute before the most disgusting smell took us over. I literally gagged. The boys all began to moan and groan and bitch and yell and finally one of them owned it."And I got another one brewing."
Jeeeeeezus.
Now, I am the mother of two boys and the wife to one. I know what farts smell like. I've smelled some bad ones. But never, ever, in my life have I smelled something this bad coming out of a live person.
He must've eaten a dozen boiled eggs and chased them with a pint of kerosene.
We spent much of the drive home with the windows down. Not fun--but still better than the disgusting fume exiting out of the anus from hell.
What the frick is wrong with the male species? Teenage girls (and full grown women) would rather eat a light bulb than fart in public. And if a girl had ever popped an air biscuit that could be used in biological warfare--she would've switched schools to avoid the gossip. And if one had slipped through the crack (haha) and someone else took the blame, she'd be totally okay with that.
But boys? No. They claim the anus-fume proudly. It's just not right.
(I'm telling ya, this boy would've wiped out a couple of villages with the passing one biscuit.)
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:57 PM |
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007
oh yeah--and happy valentine's day
Stop by and see this year's Vday post!
Labels: savage chickens, valentine's day
posted by Mel Francis @ 11:43 AM |
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controversy...
There's a wonderful interview with Lauren Baratz-Logsted posted on LitPark. Go forth and read.
Sorry I haven't been around much, it's a busy week at work. I'll post more later.
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:50 AM |
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Sunday, February 11, 2007
the grammy's in my jammies
Anyway, we flipped the channel just in time to see The Police reunite. Holy shit. I think I peed a little. I don't care how old Sting is...he's freaking hot. I mean, uber hot. He's the kinda hot that makes hot seem cold.
He's so hot he's HAWT.
And he can sing, too.
Then we flipped back to Extreme Home Makeover. Now, I like this show, but c'mon, they need to quit hitting us over the head with how much the deserving family deserves the house. Ty talks in his "serious" voice and I roll my eyes. Sorry, I'm a bitch like that. I get that this is serious, but honestly, I get the picture. Just build the house. That's what we all really wanna see.
Anyway, Ty put on his serious voice, so we flipped back to the Grammy's. And just in time to see The Dixie Chicks perform. Now, I love these women. The song kicked ass and they all looked awesome.
And somebody ought to be nicer to Stevie Wonder. I'm happy he won a Grammy, but his coat was ugly as sin. His stylist ought to be shot. He's blind, for God's sake. He can't tell you "No, that's ugly as shit." I guess his stylist must be blind, too.
Then we flipped back to EHM only to find out that my man Ed was injured. Sorry I missed it Ed, I wouldn't have, but Ty had a bad case of serious voice this show and we couldn't stomach it. The thing we love about Ed is that he reminds us of our Brummie Boy. He says things like "brover" for "brother" and "wif" instead of "with" and it makes us miss Simon.
Now I'm watching Justin Timberlake, who I have admitted, I would rob the cradle for. But this is probably it for the night.
Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters here I come...
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:10 PM |
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Saturday, February 10, 2007
beware...
You know who you are....
In other news, we're taking the younglings to see Norbit today. I'm in the mood for stupid funny. Should be a good time. Has to be better than that foul (fowl) Crappy Feet movie. I'm still bitter from my experience.
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:49 AM |
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Friday, February 09, 2007
being a superhero isn't easy
Here's a list of people I've called to inquire about an open position.
Surprisingly, the response I'm getting is lukewarm. I mean, honestly, these teams could use a little help, if you ask me.
I guess I need to work on channeling my superpower before I seriously seek out a team. But if I cannot form a team of my own and they continue to thwart me, I will be forced to use my power for evil.
Secondly, I've found myself coveting the powers of others. I spent yesterday daydreaming about the powers I could have. Such as regeneration, x-ray vision, invisibility, shapeshifting, having the power of bologna smell and the ability to throw my foot. Maybe I can't be a good superhero if I'm constantly wishing for more.
Can a superhero covet?
I think it's obvious I'm on the road to the darkside. Can an evil superhero still wear pink?
posted by Mel Francis @ 6:51 AM |
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Thursday, February 08, 2007
discovery
I have a good reason. I promise.
At first, I thought it was just a blog-funk. One of my favorite blogs hadn't been updated in a couple of days, and it made me blue. It was tough to work through that disappointment. But they started posting again at the beginning of the week...and I felt better.
But still, I didn't blog.
You'll have to forgive me. I finally know what kept me from blogging. I made this discovery on Tuesday--it's something I think I've known all along--but I didn't really put the pieces together until the other day.
I'm a super hero.
It's true. For those of you who watch Heroes...I must be on the list.
The problem is, I haven't been able to focus my super power yet. But now that I'm aware of my
power, it's only a matter of time.You see, I'm electric. I have the ability to shock anything and everything all year around. It makes for a very tenuous and difficult time when it comes to kissing or opening doors.
How do I focus my power and use it for good?
Do I really want to use it for good? Evil seems like it would just be more fun.
What should my way cool real super hero name be? Mel just doesn't sound right. I could go with Melectric, I suppose. And can my superhero costume be pink? Do I have to wear leotards? I have cellulite, that wouldn't be pretty. But I'm all about the cape.
Hmmm. I like knowing I'm a superhero. But as Peter Parker's uncle told him "With great power comes great responsiblity." I just like the "great power" part of the sentence. I think I'll tweak it to apply it to me. "With great power comes great fun. Enjoy."
Now I have to hone my evil laughing skills.
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm so gonna be a bad girl.
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:37 AM |
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Saturday, February 03, 2007
dipped in chocolate
Renee Luke, a fellow TKA sistah, has a February release that is perfect for a yummy Valentine's read. Go forth, and purchase. You may never see another title and cover so delectable again. Besides, wouldn't we all like to be Dipped in Chocolate?Dipped in Chocolate
NAL / Signet
ISBN: 0451220315 (trade paperback)
February 2007
Book Description
Romance has never been as temptingly sweet as it is in this trio of erotic treats from an author who knows how to seduce…and deliver.
In Gimme Some Sugar…
Jackson never realized how much he loved his best friend Alexis—until her wedding day was on the horizon. Now all he has to do is convince her that their harmless kissing games over the years weren’t so harmless after all. In fact, they may end up breaking his heart.
In 4 U Sweetheart…
Toni never imagined that a night of speed-dating could lead to something serious. But three minutes with the hunk of her dreams changed that. Especially after he slipped her a candy heart that said “Pick Me”…
In Dipped in Chocolate…
Nathan wants a special delicacy for his sister’s bridal shower. He finds it in Jayla, the owner of a decadent chocolate shop. As hot as she is, Jayla’s not looking for a fling. As hot as he’s getting, Nathan may have to abandon his bachelor ways for a piece of chocolate that’s a little more solid.
Reviews
4 Stars “Luke cuts right to the chase in these three spicy novellas with interconnected stories. A common thread is the intense passion each couple inspires. If you like quick, hot and sexy reads, you’ll definitely enjoy this anthology.” Leigh Rowlings, Romantic Times Book Reviews
5 Necklaces “Renee Luke’s three stirring entries in the most excellent Dipped in Chocolate will leave even an ice statue sizzling. There is fine, high-quality romance, there is love, there is sweets, and yes, reader, there is most definitely all the steaming and inventive erotica one could ask for. Run, do not walk, to your nearest outlet and buy this book!” Annie, Euro-Reviews
4.5 Lips “Dipped in Chocolate by Renee Luke is sinfully delicious and very satisfying. I thoroughly enjoyed all three decadent stories and know that I will never eat another candy heart with out thinking of 4 U Sweetheart. I loved the way the three tales are brought together not just with the common thread of a candy theme but by the characters from the previous story. As one story rolled into the next, I was completely captivated by the characters and storyline.
Whether you have a sweet tooth or not I would highly recommend that Dipped in Chocolate be on your must-read list. I look forward to reading more work from the very talented Ms. Luke!” Susan, Two Lips Reviews
4 Stars “These three entertaining novellas will educate readers on all the practical use of chocolate (thank goodness I am not diabetic) with fully developed instructors providing delightful sweet tooth and more usage. Renee Luke provides three delicious tales that go beyond jus CHOCOLATE KISSES” Harriet Klausner, A reviewer
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:34 AM |
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Friday, February 02, 2007
disappointing snow
So, to get over my disappointment, I'm gonna do this little tag. Thanks Mauizzle for thinking of me.
Here goes...
1. YOUR REAL NAME:
Melissa Francis
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first three letters of your name, plus izzle)
Melizzle. Awesome
3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three of your last)
Mfra Um. How is that pronounced exactly?
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal)
Pink Flamingo. Kinda redundant, no?
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, Street you live on):
Renee Audubon *snort*
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom’s maiden name)
Framesmi I like this one. I'm thinking it might just be my new pen name.
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (favorite color, favorite drink)
Pink Sierra Nevada huh? Not sure that sounds very superheroy and I don't think it sounds very appetizing either.
I don't like this one, so I'm skipping it on the grounds of social protest.
9. YOUR STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/body spray)
Vanilla Bean Sounds pretty strippery to me.
10. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father’s middle name)
Sue Milton. Just kill me now.
I tag: Ellen, Wolfie, Maria, Lucy
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:05 AM |
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