Wednesday, March 28, 2007
the evil wizard does exist!
I understand there is some video available of said Pelham incident. But if I have anything to do with it, that video will never see the light of day...or the light of Fishdog's blog.
edited to add: apparently photobucket is having some technical difficulties with its slideshows. Hopefully, it'll be working by tomorrow. If not, I'll post a link to the pics with their captions. :)
Labels: idiots, my rep, vacation
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:34 PM |
| links to this post
it's no fun when the evil wizard doesn't play along...
So, when we last left off, I was irritated at my brother (whom I love very much but he drives me crazy) for forcing his kid onto rides at Epcot. Bro took nephew back to the house at lunch and The Fishdog and I took the kids to the World Showcase in search of food.
We bipassed Canada (my apologies to my Canadian friends--we did circle back around for a visit) and headed straight to the UK...because the kids wanted Fish -n- Chips and we wanted Ale.
We sat outside the Rose and Crown and enjoyed our fare--even though we had to ignore the swarming seaguls and ducks. Seriously, it was like we were the prologue to an Alfred Hitchcock movie. (pictures will be in a follow up post)
Once we were sated (I said that for you, Fishdog), we began our tour of the UK. We noticed a small crowd gathering in the street, so like the good Mississippians we are, we decided to rubberneck and see what was going on.
It was a comedy troupe doing a street performance of King Arthur and the Holy Grail. (the abridged version) It was kinda like Monty Python meets Disney.
There was crowd participation, of course. We walked up in the middle of the training, so we missed a few of the prompts and hand gestures.
Anyway, first things first, they introduced the King. (long live the king!) And of course, the king(long live the king!) would be played by a cute little round man in the crowd. Each time they said one particular phrase, the king (long live the king!)was instructed to respond "Ha cha cha cha! Yeah Baby!" And our king (long live the king!) did so with gusto.
They continued the story and introduced Lancelot, who was a cast member. As Lancelot spoke, another cast member trolled in and out of the crowd searching for the perfect Gallahad. He picked the guy sitting right in front of me. (Whew! I'm thinking. That means they'll go to the other side of the crowd to choose another character)
Of course, if you really don't want to participate in a street play, don't make eye contact with the leader of the troupe. And especially don't comment back when he calls you out for being late and not knowing all the routines.
So, they've introduced Sir Gallahad he has to gallop around the stage area, and the king (long live the king!) and then they begin talking about The Evil Wizard Pelham! (Whew, I'm thinking. Everyone knows wizards are men...)
Um. Nope. Wizards can be both, apparently.
The Evil Wizard Pelhem is beauitful, but so very evil! announces the lovely lady on the stage She says some other funny things as the recruiting cast member weaves his way through the crowd. He walks past me, stands in front of another lady, and again I'm thinking WHEW. Until he puts the scarf around my neck.
Yes. I'm The Evil Wizard Pelhem. Be afraid. Be very afraid...
Now, the recruiter stands next to me and whispers to me. "She'll introduce you and when she does, you must saunter across the stage sexily." (he says in a lovely british accent) "Can you saunter sexily?"
Hahaha. Me? Saunter Sexily? Boy did he pick the right wizard.
I sauntered. I swayed. I sashayed. I laughed until I had tears rolling down my face.
I played along of course, and did everything as instructed. At different points in the show, each member of the cast came up to me and thanked me for participating. I said, "Well of course, who wouldn't play along?" And my little guy said, "You wouldn't believe how often it happens and it's really no fun when the evil wizard doesn't play along."
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:06 AM |
| links to this post
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
i am bothered by two things...
Here goes.
Let's talk commericals folks. As I was eagerly awaiting the return of Jack Bauer, two commericals came on for my viewing (dis)pleasure.
The new Gap commerical with Claire Danes and Patrick Wilson. I really like the commercial. I like the music, I like the dancing, I like the poking fun at each other.
But then, I discover as I'm tapping my foot and singing along, that she puts on his pants.
Sigh.
That will never be me. I am a woman and actually have hips. Okay, yes, big hips. Child bearing hips. I'm curvy. (you know most women are...) And unless I am with a man who is as wide as he is tall, I'll never be able to "wear his pants better". (btw-- I am NOT dumpy or frumpy and being a heavy set/curvy/round woman is NOT synonymous with dumpy or frumpy. I know some skinny bitches who are dumpier than I'll ever be...)*
The thought that I'll never wear the boyfriend pant is kinda depressing. I'm not petite and never will be. And even if I lost 100 lbs and became underweight, I still wouldn't be small because of my build. I'm muscular and hippy. So, I'll never be able to wear the boyfriend pant--and I'm bothered by that, cuz dammit. The commerical is fun and I wanna wear those pants better!
The next commerical that came on was for Revlon's new Sugar Sugar Lip Topping.
Seriously, women wear this on purpose? Do you want your lips to look like they are coated with shalack and glitter? Would a man want to kiss you with that shit on your lips?
Or is it just me?
*side note...
I can't let this go. My apologies to my husband whom I know didn't understand how offensive the word dumpy would be to me, but honestly, saying that overweight and dumpy are synonymous is very bad. Especially in regards to your wife. If you wouldn't call Queen Latifiah dumpy, you sure as shittin' better not use that word to describe the woman you live with. I'm just saying....Again, I apologize to the Fishdog, but dude, you shoulda known better.
posted by Mel Francis @ 11:25 AM |
| links to this post
Monday, March 19, 2007
humorous
This made my husband laugh out loud and I love that about him.
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:53 PM |
| links to this post
for writers
This month's topic: Conquering the Synopsis by Claire Delacroix
Go forth and learn. It's a fantastic workshop.
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:49 AM |
| links to this post
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Save the drama for your momma...
So, we spent Sunday at Universal studios. After some parking drama (surely they didn’t expect us to drive AND read signs simultaneously?) we park in the Kong parking lot and head into the park and proceed to milk it dry. We had a blast. The longest line we had to wait in was maybe 45 minutes and that was for their newest (newest to us, anyway) ride, The Mummy. (which was fantastic!) We didn’t know it was a roller coaster until we got to the top. With that ride, we created a roller coaster monster in Rader. He was a maniac after that! Ian…not so much. He would ride a few but if he could see that it went upside down, he kindly waited for us near the exit.
Naturally, we were exhausted by the time we get to the house we shared with my parents, my brother, his wife, and their two kids. (I cannot even talk about it...) Mom wanted to go buy groceries right that moment. And, of course, I had to go with her. I knew it was a bad idea to try and plan too many meals in advance because shit happens and plans change. But mom insisted that we have 2 dinners at home. I suggested that we just do lunch meat, cheeses, spaghetti, and breakfast foods. Nope. That’s not gonna be enough.
Fine. Who am I to argue? I bought the beer and wine and then my brother refused to pay for his half of that purchase because I should’ve known that Florida beer doesn’t have the same alcohol content as the rest of the country. Huh? You mean to tell me that all the breweries around the world brew a lower alcohol beer specifically for Florida? I don’t think so. I did a little research that night and gladly informed him that Florida has an alcohol cap on beer. It won’t sell anything labeled “beer” that contains over 6% alcohol. So, for instance, they can sell Guinness Draught, but not Guinness Stout. Some states that have similar laws have an “out” and as long as the “offending beverage” is labeled as Malt Liquor they can sell it. Anyway, I still didn’t get reimbursed but I did get to inform my brother he was wrong. That felt almost as good as the money in my pocket.
After overshopping, I took a long hot shower then collapsed in bed. I’m sure I was asleep well before 10:00.
Then came Monday morning. Now I know that there is drama in every family, but I swear mine could teach Drama 101. My niece woke with a burning fever. I tucked her in the night before around 9:00 and she was tired but not feverish. However, I was told I should’ve noticed her fever when I put her to bed. Ooops. My bad. My fever prediction ability is currently in the shop for its 100K mile check up. We had planned to go to Magic Kingdom on Monday, but as I said, shit happens and plans change…so we decided to go to Epcot and my SIL stayed home with my niece.
After watching my bro force my nephew onto several rides and listening to him baby talk his 6 year old for 5 hours, I was ready for a beer. So we headed to The World Showcase…and that’s where the real fun began….
Up next: It’s no fun when the evil wizard doesn’t play along
posted by Mel Francis @ 11:18 AM |
| links to this post
Saturday, March 17, 2007
home again, home again...
Okay, I'm not gonna give you a 'real' blog here. I just wanna say that I'm home again and damn glad of it.I'm bottle deep into my wine and happy as a clam that I get to sleep in my own bed tonight.
Future blog topics will include:
- What can go wrong, will go wrong so just suck it up and smile
- It's no fun when the Evil Wizard doesn't participate
- Baby talk should be banned.
- Adding tequila to antifreeze does not make the antifreeze a margarita
- Where's my beer?
(ps. I lied. I kinda missed y'all. Sorta. Okay, not really. But I AM glad to be home.)
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:59 PM |
| links to this post
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
miss me yet?
Well, first things first...I don't miss y'all. (No offense or anything.) I farking lurve Disney. I'm tired as shit and my feet feel like swolled up whack-a-moles but who cares? It's Disney!Now, I'm not gonna do a detailed vacation post yet. Frankly, I'm too tired. FWIW, everyday while park stomping, I come up with great blog ideas/titles. But by the time I get home, I just don't care enough to be witty.
But, those blogs will come. I promise. Hopefully this list of things not to do while in Disney will keep you entertained until I feel really witty again.
- If you're an overweight woman traveling with your 12 year old daughter--DON'T wear her clothing. It's not cute. You're not hip. And no matter how much Nair you own, you should not be wearing short shorts.
- Don't force your young child onto a ride. If he doesn't want to ride, threatening to take him home won't make him change his mind. If you make him ride, he will make the experience less than enjoyable for everyone else on the attraction. And frankly, it makes you seem like an asshole.
- Don't travel and stay in the same house with extended family. No matter how much you love these people, you no longer live with them, and there is a reason for that.
- If you have hammer toes, don't wear open toe shoes. If you are determined to show off your pedicure, please make sure you haven't painted your hammer toes kelly green.
- Don't wear white shorts without underwear. If you do, then don't get on the Kali River Rapids. If you do, then expect everyone at the Animal Kingdom to see your naughty bits for a very long time.
- Don't expect your 13 and 9 year old to actually listen to you. Don't expect them not to climb on every rail or play with every chain they see. And definitely, don't expect them not to fart in line and wait to see how long before someone notices. (other than their mom, of course.)
- If you ask your 13 and 9 year old to leave each other alone then you're just a fool. "Leave each other alone" in sibling talk means "bug the fucking shit out of each other until your parents berate you endlessly in every line you stand in while they search for beer." (btw, you can buy beer at all the theme parks!!!)
- Never make eye contact with the "street performers" at Epcot unless you want to be pulled into their little play as "the evil wizard Pelham". (more on that later...)
Until then, Happy Birthday to me. (That's right, I turn 29 (again) on the 14th.
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:58 PM |
| links to this post
Thursday, March 08, 2007
it's the final countdown...
I'll try to blog from the road. Maybe even with pics!
Hey Chip, sorry you're stuck at work---this one's for you:
hasta la bye bye, mi amigos!
posted by Mel Francis @ 6:03 PM |
| links to this post
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
somebody please...
I don't really watch American Idol as religiously as The Fishdog. Truth be told, I don't really like the show until the final 6 or so, because let's face it, the performances up until then can be sketchy at best.
I also have an issue with the fact that it's a popularity contest and not a talent contest. If it were based on talent alone, there are a few finalists/winners that wouldn't be. (koff, Clay Aiken, koff, Justin Guarini, koff, Carrie Under
Anyway, back to my point. (and I do have one) Why is Paula Abdul on this show? Does anyone know? And more importantly, what the hell is she smokin'? It's got to be some primo stuff cuz bitch don't make no sense but she sho seems happy.
What I love most about Paula is the fact that she continually denies drinking or being under the influence of any mood-altering substance. Mmmmhmmmm. Funny, but I don't really believe her. (FYI, you don't have to watch much of the interview below to get where I'm coming from)
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:08 PM |
| links to this post
which greek god are you?
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
posted by Mel Francis @ 1:35 PM |
| links to this post
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
tuesday blog
Cuz today is Tuesday and this is my blog. See the perfection in the simplicity?
Just a few minutes ago, I was whining on Killer's blog (now with 30% more Liz!) about how I'm struggling to maintain my daily entries here in my own little slice of cyberspace.
Part of that is because right now, I'm distracted. Vacation starts in 3 days. On Friday afternoon, I'll be hanging out with Maria Geraci in Tallahassee. Sunday afternoon, I'll be taking my first of many rides on the Incredible Hulk roller coaster. Sunday Night I'll be lounging by the pool in the house we're renting in Orlando, preparing for my next three days at Disney.
After that, we head to the Beach where I'll see my face crack dealer, Angie and play with her little boy and her big ol dog.
Jealous much?
Anyway, as I was pondering what I should blog about, I strolled over to Stinkydog's blog and was inspired!
Check out my monster name.
Awesome. Go forth and find your monster name then post a comment and tell me who you are!
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:31 AM |
| links to this post
Thursday, March 01, 2007
are you smarter than a 5th grader?
So, the young'uns and I watched this show tonight. Holy Crap! I'm an idiot.
You know, at one time, I thought I was pretty smart. But tonight, I discovered that common sense and smarts are not necessarily synonymous.
Ursa Major? had no idea it was the constellation in which the Big Dipper resides.
NA? it's the elemental abbreviation for sodium. (yeah, at one time, I know that. But now that I'm a tainted adult...the only thing NA stands for is Narcotics Anonymous.)
How many teaspoons in 5 tablespoons? Okay, I cook and still didn't know. I thought 20...but actually it was 15.
Anyway, if you ever have a desire to feel inadequate and still be slightly entertained, tune into Fox and Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader. Seriously. It's enlightening.
(BTW, my 3rd grader was as smart as the 5th graders. He correctly answered two more questions than I did. Is it strange that I felt shame and pride simultaneously?)
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:11 PM |
| links to this post
| site search by freefind | advanced |
happy sunday morning
the party's over--but we have pics!
Holiday Movies...you gotta fave?
finding your way
notes from the universe
words
happy birthday, Fishdog!
just another manic monday
Dear Sandman Post Script
Dear Sandman,
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
