Wednesday, October 31, 2007
gena and the hoff
Of course, had I realized Gena would jump up on stage and join in...Well, I would've scheduled him to arrive a little earlier!
Is anyone surprised that Gena can't keep her hands off herself?
I CAN'T STOP MAKING THESE!
Labels: Gena and Jill
posted by Mel Francis @ 5:00 PM |
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what we do in our spare time
posted by Mel Francis @ 2:09 PM |
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Tuesday, October 30, 2007
because i'm feeling a little thefty...
From my stats page....here are my recent "googles". At least there's no "melissa francis husband" this week. Last week, there were like 30. I'm beginning to wonder wtf is up with the cnbc anchor and her spouse... and to the person who googled "mel's ta-tas" last week, we (my ta-tas and I) would like to welcome you!
| Num | Perc. | Search Term | |
 | 3 | 21.43% | melissa francis |
| 2 | 14.29% | big dam bridge |
| 1 | 7.14% | drama-halloween |
| 1 | 7.14% | mel francis blog |
| 1 | 7.14% | mel melissa blog |
| 1 | 7.14% | happy feet diversity stereotypes |
| 1 | 7.14% | fat suitvanessa minillo |
| 1 | 7.14% | she was randy |
| 1 | 7.14% | drama about thanksgiving |
| 1 | 7.14% | mel's supermarket haunted house |
| 1 | 7.14% | steve burns crush |
Just so you know, I'm thrilled that I'm not the only one who has a crush on Steve Burns. And there is always drama at Thanksgiving...otherwise, it would just be "dinner". And yes, there's always drama at Halloween, otherwise, it would just be another date night...
Yesterday was pretty successful. I have set a higher page goal today and intend to meet it. Will check in tomorrow...
posted by Mel Francis @ 5:25 AM |
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Monday, October 29, 2007
hermit
I'm in Oxford this week...with NO CAR. Yes, that's right. I'm rideless. Which is perfect, because I need to hunker d0wn and write. However, if I run out of
My plans are to finish 1st draft of Bite Me! by next Friday, get it to CPs for them to tell me it's total shit and needs to be completely overhauled. Then I'll completely overhaul it and send it to fab editor for her to tell me it's total shit and needs to completely overhauled. Rinse. Repeat. Sound like a plan?
So, until we meet again.
Labels: excuses for not blogging, friends, writing
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:58 AM |
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Friday, October 26, 2007
soccer!
Labels: soccer
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:10 PM |
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Wednesday, October 24, 2007
another secret...
I've shocked y'all before, when I announced my love for Steve from Blue's Clues...and then, again when I discussed my lust for the young Lucas Black. Not to mention when I outted my secret desire for Marshal Mathers. (Yes, Eminem. I love me some bad boys.) Or that I still liked Air Supply. And I'm sure many of you were surprised to discover my youngest son's dirty little secret, as well.
But, this secret may out do all of them.
Are you ready to be ashamed of me?
I wanna be Stifler's Mom.
That's right. I wanna be a MILF.
It's true. And it's unfortunate because it's ain't ever gonna happen. I might have a chance to be the cool mom...but I will never be The HOT Mom.
I'm envious of my friend Feisty who is THE hot mom. Actually, she's THE HAWT mom. I guess I could be her protege and be a MILF in training. I'd have to drop about 4,000 lbs and get the girls lifted, but it could happen.
It's not that I am into boys that young...I'm not. But I remember growing up, and my friend's mom was THE hot mom. And all the boys talked about her awesome Farrah Fawcett hair and the sweet convertible and her tight jeans and I thought, "One day, I'm going to be that mom."
Oh well. I guess not. I will just have to settle with being the mom the boys call when they get into trouble. I'm really okay with that. It's not a consolation prize by any stretch. But maybe one day, why my boys are in college, one of their friends will confess to me that I was their "Stifler's Mom."
Labels: misc., secrets, wtf, you tube
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:50 AM |
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Monday, October 22, 2007
alone again....
Fishdog left for Oxford, after spending two weeks here in the Rock. He'll be back Friday. So, as a tribute, I'm posting a video from one of my favorite bands of all time: Dokken
Go ahead. Listen. Let them inspire you.
Am I the only person who misses big hair and power ballads? Seriously?
Okay, so I don't miss the blue eye shadow and the shoulder pads, but boy, I loved me some hair metal. And now it's all considered "soft rock or oldies". I guess I know how my mother felt with the Beatles and Elvis started getting play time on the "soft rock" stations.
As my kids say almost daily. "You're old, Mom."
I guess so. Excuse me while I got take my arthritis meds and prepare me a sitz bath.
Labels: fishdog, misc., you tube
posted by Mel Francis @ 11:16 AM |
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Saturday, October 20, 2007
peter, peter, punkin eater...
Will post pics when I get back.
On the writing front, I got a lot accomplished yesterday on Bite Me! plus I heard back from Deidre, the wonder agent, and she loved my most recent proposal. Which is a good thing, because I love it, too. As in, I think I would've died a little if she hadn't responded with pure excitement...because this story is just so fun. Anyway, I'm tweaking it this weekend in hopes that it will soon hit the desks of editors who love it enough to pay me lots and lots of dough for it.
Last night, we had a girl's night out with my best friend from high school and three of my friends from college, because PamPam is the first in our group to turn 40. Yes, I know I'll be there soon enough, but I am not next, therefore, I am very happy. Not that I dread turning 40, because I don't. I just think being skinny and rich will ease the pain a little more, so I'm working very hard to make that happen...LOL We had a good time reminiscing about our old party days. (them, not me. I was an angel) I haven't laughed that hard in forever. My God I had forgotten a lot. (on purpose? probably) All I know is, I am certainly glad there were no digital cameras around back in the late 80s early 90s.
So what are your plans this weekend? Punkin patches? Boozing it up? Anyone letting their naughty river flow?
In honor of PamPam's birthday and for her brand new baby, I offer you this video. (Am I the only one in the world who misses Axl Rose?)
Labels: friends, misc., punkins, the kids
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:40 AM |
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Thursday, October 18, 2007
out of office
But today, we're doing Boo and the Symphony or something like that. I'm not that girl. Sorry. This is much more suited for Fishdog, but I have lunch plans afterward, therefore today I am that girl.
I had a decent writing day yesterday.
I'll sweat it out with Sven after school this afternoon.
Labels: damn kids
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:21 AM |
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Wednesday, October 17, 2007
i like my flu shots with a side of pole dancing
Central Floridians! Don't miss out on this chance!CASSELBERRY, Fla. -- An adult nightclub in Casselberry is offering free flu shots to Central Floridians.Rachel's Gentlemen's Club launched a free flu shot service at the business located on Semoran Boulevard in Casselberry.The flu shots will be free from noon until 4 p.m. for residents who are 55 years old and older.
I love America. Where else in the world would offer a flu shot as an incentive to come to a strip club? I'm trying to figure out how I can incorporate this out of the box type of thinking to my book tour in 2009....suggestions welcome!
70 days of Sweat Update
My sweating over the last couple of days has been more like a glisten. I haven't met my goal yet...but today is another day. Will check in later.
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:00 AM |
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Tuesday, October 16, 2007
70 days of sweat--day 1
Yes, it was supposed to start yesterday, but I had a busy day with kids, picking up my inlaws from the airport, finishing up my critique on Louisa's fabulous Hot Demon Sex book, and then my torture session at Wal-mart. I was sweatin', but there was no Sven in sight.So, it starts for me today. My goal is 3000 words which is 12 pages. We'll see if happens. I may have to write some tonight because we pick my brother-in-law up from the airport today. He's been gone for 6 months and so we'll probably have a lot of catching up to do. If he doesn't just drop from exhaustion.
Here I go...off to sweat with Sven. I'll check in tomorrow with my progress! (and I won't be going to Wal-Mart again, anytime soon.)
Labels: writing
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:27 AM |
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Monday, October 15, 2007
somebody please save me from the hell that is walmart
And I thought I hated Walmart...but I didn't, not really. I didn't like Walmart. But it was not full loathing.
Until tonight.
It's Monday night. Most people shop on the weekends, right? I mean, that's why I stopped shopping on the weekends because everyone else in the tri-county region would happen to show up at the exact store, at the exact moment I would. I am the Mel-magnet. Mel must be shopping so every idiot must shop now.
I meant to go to the store earlier today, but it rained buckets and I just didn't feel like getting out in the mess. So I waited until I was tired, cranky, and hungry. And of course, we were out of everything (beer) so shopping couldn't possibly wait until tomorrow.
When I pulled into the parking lot, I should've turned right back around. The Mel-magnet had obviously been activated. (Wondershopping powers, Activate!) The lot was full, and there were several cars racing for parking spots. I momentarily considered yelling "Towanda!" while plowing forward knocking every hunk of metal on wheels out of my way. It was my turn to park, dammit!
I enter the establishment and begin my power shopping. I am determined to be in and out in an hour.
1.5 hours later I realize that was just a pie in the sky dream.
Always the dreamer, that'd be me.
What is it with women who were too much fragrance? And why do they spray themselves just before going to Walmart when they know I'm going to be there? And why, in the name of all things unholy, do they follow me around the store? It's because they know how much that bugs the fuck out of me, that's why.
And why do people meander and linger and talk on their cell phones in the middle of the g.d. aisles? Do they not see the rest of us, trying to get through? Do they think they are the dictator of the aisle in which they have taken residence?
Am I the only one who has a problem with all the kids running free amongst the buggies? Can I hit the little fuckers? Do I get a discount if I hit two or more?
Once I finished my shopping, I strategically cruised the check out lines. How many buggies were in line, how full were said buggies, and did the shoppers appear to be shopping for more than one family thereby asking for separate checks. (an aside here, DEAR WALMART, NO MORE FUCKING SEPARATE CHECKS. THIS IS NOT THE DIXIE CAFE. ONE PERSON, ONE BASKET, ONE CHECK. thank you.) After my strategic perusal, I found the perfect line. One shopper finishing up, one shopper unloading. Nobody else. Sweet.
Until the mysterious Mexican man appeared in front of me. Without a basket. I thought he was lost at first. I was in line. It was obvious. I'm moving forward, closing the distance between myself and the shopper unloading her buggy. And then the Manifesting Mexican Man just appeared. He stood there for a few minutes, then he started frantically waving to someone. "Aqui! Aqui!"
fucker. He was holding a place in line for his wife.
His wife who took 15 minutes to unload her basket because she had to unload it in sections. Frozen foods together; breads together; fruits together; bathroom supplies together...ARE YOU KIDDING ME!
I pull out my cell phone desperately seeking entertainment. Not one person texted me back. Where are you people when I need you? Sure you'll text me at your convenience, but can't you ever just respond when it's at my convenience? I was in Warmart for Christ's Sake!
Do you know what your lack of texting made me do while I waited for the senora to alphabetize her groceries?
I had to read the tabloids.
Did you know that Prince William is giving up the crown for LOVE?
Did you know that Ashlee Simpson is addicted to plastic surgery at the age of 23 and that her sister lost 25 lbs in two months?
Jlo is pregnant! Whoot!
Something dark and dreary has happened to Oprah and Stedman. (didn't they already break up like YEARS ago?)
Apparently Justin has reached out to Britney. Can he save her?
The hell that is Walmart has taken me over. It's like the Borg and I have now been assimilated. Of course, I'll probably be rejected when they realize I don't alphabetize my groceries...
Labels: i need a drink
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:11 PM |
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Sunday, October 14, 2007
cyborg name
All I have to say is Sabotage and Assassination? Hell Yeah!
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:14 AM |
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Saturday, October 13, 2007
totally obsessed with this
which way does the lady spin for you? Can you make her change directions?
The Right Brain vs Left Brain test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or counter-clockwise? If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.
Most of us would see the dancer turning counter-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.
At first, she was spinning counter-clockwise for me. But now, when I watch her, she's always spinning clockwise. I can concentrate and make her change directions, but when I stop focusing, she goes right back to spinning clockwise. It's freaking me out, man!
LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe
RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking
Labels: misc., weird shit
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:45 AM |
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Friday, October 12, 2007
friday night lights
First of all, one of my CPs uploaded her book about demons and I can't seem to stop reading it. Secondly, I've been awake since about 5 am (involuntarily awake) and I'm kinda tired. Thirdly, it's very cool outside, therefore it's perfect red wine weather. So I had a
Plus, there's that whole "wine" issue.
Anyway, while I was
Fishdog and the boys went to the Catholic High Homecoming game tonight. According to the phone calls, they had a great time. Sorry I wasn't there...well, not really. I had wine. But in theory, I'm sorry I wasn't there.
Peace y'all. Have a good weekend. I'll post something fun tomorrow.
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:27 PM |
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at the cafe
and don't forget to read my other post from this morning.
Labels: writing
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:31 AM |
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sex education by kids
We had about a 30 minute drive to the house after dinner, which is always dangerous when the kids are feeling spunky. Apparently they were in a mood last night, having fun mouthing off and joking around and Rader decided it was time to ask questions about childbirth. He likes the fact that Ian was a C-section and that he wasn't. So I retell the story.
Rader: You screamed when I was born. I remember it.Of course, I thought that was brilliant. Then he asked me: "Where did I come out of again? Your butt crack?"
Me: Actually, I didn't. I had great drugs.
Rader: I remember it, Mom. That's why I had to get tubes. You screamed so loud my ears hurt.
Now, he knows the answer to this, but being a 9 yr. old, he of course thinks the word Vagina is the funniest thing ever. But I play along.
Me: You smell like you came from my butt crack, but no, you came from my vagina.Total silence. Then much laughter.
Rader: giggle VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA
Me: It's not a bad word, Rader. You know that. It's a body part. Like Penis or Eyeball.
Mark: Or elbow. Or sphincter.
Ian: I thought sphincter was an old lady without a husband.
Mark: You mean spinster?Name calling ensues. Each boy calls the other a sphincter. I finally put the kibosh on the body part conversation telling them I want a do over. I want to rewind 14 years and decide against having dirty, stinky, rotten boys.
Ian: Huh huh huh. Yeah. That's what I meant. I know what a sphincter is.
Rader: That's what happens when you put the hotdog in the donut.
OMG. I nearly ran off the road. That was the funniest thing ever. I have totally ruined my children. Much therapy will be necessary. But at least they'll have plenty to talk about.
posted by Mel Francis @ 5:52 AM |
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Thursday, October 11, 2007
run ian run!
Yesterday, Ian ran in his 3rd cross-country meet. They award the top twenty runners with ribbons and on his 1st meet, Ian came in 23rd. Close, but no cigar.
His 2nd meet, he kicked major ass, and came in 16th. Score a ribbon!
Yesterday, the track was a little longer and a little tougher. But not tough enough to keep that boy of mine out of the top 2o! He was 2oth and he walked away with another ribbon.
I'm very proud of my #1 boy. He's never been a runner before. He's now been running 3 days a week for about 6 weeks. He's getting better and better. I hope he sticks it out.
Here's a camera phone pic of my baby running toward the finish line.
Labels: family, the kids, writing
posted by Mel Francis @ 2:15 PM |
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mel-o-panic!
Apparently, in my dream, I was two weeks from my deadline and on page fifty of my book. (which, if I'd taken the time to wake up, I would've realized it was a dream because of the page number alone.) But I didn't take the time to wake up. I had a stroke instead.
So, I got up at 5:30 (when my heart finally returned to its normal pace) made a pot of coffee (must get my heart rate back up with that caffeine injection, you know) and started writing.
I've written 5 pages so far. Thank God. I guess my subconscious was telling me that I've spent way too much time being the mom-taxi this week and not enough being the writer. Guess that'll show me.
In other news, Fishdog finally posted a new blog. Pop in and tell him twfkam sent ya.
posted by Mel Francis @ 7:45 AM |
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Wednesday, October 10, 2007
do you understand the words that are comin' outta my mouf?
Do y'all understand me? Or am I speaking a foreign language? An alien language?
Something must be wrong with me because apparently, my damn kids don't understand anything I say.
Not. One. Damn. Thing.
Speaking of damn, I'm heading to the Big Dam Bridge to walk it off.
Hasta la vista.
ETA the video. Was running late this morning (due to aforementioned children of the corn) and didn't have a chance to find...
Labels: damn kids, exercise, idiots, the kids, you tube
posted by Mel Francis @ 6:35 AM |
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Tuesday, October 09, 2007
it's tuesday.
I'm having lunch with a friend of mine from High School. Here's a piccie of us from our reunion.
Funny thing about Annetta, in 9th grade, we didn't like each other because of a boy. What is with girls and their catfights over boys? Sometimes I wish we could have a little foresight in high school...it would save us sooooo much turmoil.
His name was Denton McDonald and he was my first real boyfriend in high school. Well, he was really my first real boyfriend ever. I'd had crushes before and I'd been kissed before, but I hadn't really had a "serious" (like lasting more than a few weeks) boyfriend until my freshmen year. And Denton was it.
He was a bit of a country bad boy. He was the kinda lanky but muscular and at the time I thought he was hot. I mean HAWT.
He gave me my first hickey. Which is totally gross now, but looking back, I guess it was the best kind of branding. It said "She's with me." And I've always liked that alpha dog thing. Of course being with an Alpha male is hot, for about 10 seconds. Then it gets old. Fast.
Anyway, I got grounded for something (probably my smart mouth, go figure) and Denton couldn't wait around for me, so he decided to go after Annetta. And of course, in typical teenage fashion, I blamed her. Hah. Girls are so stupid.
It all worked out in the end though. Denton and I remained friends after that year. (Hell, we had no choice, he always sat directly in front of me in class. McDonald/McKenzie) and Annetta and I moved on. (I have never figured out why some girls never move on. It's HIGH SCHOOL for Chrissake! Move the fuck on!)
Heh, you know. I haven't talked to Denton in years. Maybe he'll google himself and find my blog and contact me. That would be a hoot.
I'm outty. Gotta hit the pavement for my 2 miles today before lunch.
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:45 AM |
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Monday, October 08, 2007
big dam bridge
The boys love asking me if I've been to the Big Dam Bridge because they think they're getting away with cursing. Ian totally tried to nonchalantly blow it off and say "I know" when we pointed out it was "dam" and not "damn".
Anyway, Pete and I walked the dam(n) bridge this morning. I jogged a little with him, probably about 1/3 of a mile. Not nearly enough, but since I haven't been to the gym in 3 weeks, it was plenty. I walked the nearly 2 miles in 26 minutes. Not too bad. Not great either.
Writing wise, I plan to hit it for 5 pages today. Not a lot, but we have to take the car to the shop and do some other shit today. Maybe we'll go look at a house or two and hope while we're there our house in Oxford will sell.
Happy Monday y'all!
BTW: It's not too late to donate to save the ta-tas! Jenna the sex kitten walked on Saturday. I'm still waiting to see how well she did. She's 74% to her goal of raising $2600. Every little bit helps, so save a ta-ta and donate a buck or ten.
Labels: exercise, tits, writing
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:12 AM |
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Sunday, October 07, 2007
70 days of sweat
Any of you writers out there wanna join me?
Oh and I'm hitting the fitness trail again. I've been away from the gym for 3 weeks and I feel sluggish and yucky. I wonder if I can lose 70 lbs in the 70 days? Okay, probably not. But a girl can dream, right?
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:35 AM |
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Saturday, October 06, 2007
chuck norris and the razorbacks...
Back in November 2005 I posted this original Chuck Norris list. I'll repost below.
Here are a few new ones: (thanks to Jimmy the K for forwarding them on--especially the picture. smooches)
When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, he doesn't get wet.
The water gets Chucked.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris
allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease
2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Here's the original:
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face andtook his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.
Labels: chuck norris, fun, misc., razorbacks
posted by Mel Francis @ 10:41 AM |
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Friday, October 05, 2007
i guess i should blog today
We started off the day with my
Well, I decided to call the doctor instead. I had a feeling that 1 extra pill wasn't that big of a deal. And it's not. Doc said he'll probably be a little jittery and hyped up (oh, like that's different from everyday?) and that he'd probably be a little thirsty. I sent him to school with an extra bottle of water and a pat on the back. I decided to let the teachers deal with him. (my apologies to all my teacher friends.)
That's right folks, I'm totally kicking this Parent of the Year thing in the ass! I rock like Alice Cooper.
Fishdog will be here this afternoon. I'm glad. I've missed him this week. Sometimes I am fine with the week as a single parent and sometimes, not so much. This was a not so much week. And it's not just I could've used his help with the Mom Taxi Service (which I totally could've used) it's that I missed him. I hope we sell the house soon so we can stop this back and forth crap. We need our routine. So, everyone send vibes that we'll sell soon. Like this week.
Rader has a soccer game tonight. I really enjoy watching him play, he's got the potential to be a great player, if he'd just learn to run! We've been watching him closely and he runs on his heels. It's almost like he's trying to baby a foot injury. When he was little (around 6 months) his feet were turned all the way in. He had to wear those funky foot brace things with the bar for about 6 months. Anyway, I've decided to take him to the doc next week to see if there's a potential problem, or if he just needs to be retrained to run on his toes. (or just trained to run period. boy is slower than a sleeping snail.)
Okay, there. I've blogged. Before I go, I should give one last shout out to Jenna, the sex kitten. Please, go donate to help save a ta-ta.
Last year's RWA Conference. Jenna, Mel, Louisa. Labels: fishdog, idiots, soccer, tits
posted by Mel Francis @ 2:43 PM |
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Wednesday, October 03, 2007
mel francis: on writing
No I am not Stephen King. No, I don't want to be Stephen King. But I do have some things to say about writing.
I've been doing this "fulltime" writer thing since September. (I can't count August because of the moving and my vacation.) Guess what I've discovered?
It ain't easy!
Sometimes I think I accomplished more in the few hours at night and on the weekends than I do during the day. Part of that is because we haven't settled in our own home yet. That will help. It's difficult to get a routine going when your living with your parents or your in-laws. But, living with them is allowing me to stay a fulltime writer in today's world. (Who wants 2 mortgages in this market? especially on 1 income!)
I'm finding my way. I have discovered I do better away from the house right now. I go to the library or to a little coffee shop in the morning and I write.
So, on that front, I am putting some finishing touches on a new proposal that Deidre will be sending out very soon. I can't wait! I love this story!
Today, I'm working on BITE ME! I'm about halfway through the first draft and have high hopes to be finished with it mid-November. I had hoped to be finished end of October, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen. But it will be finished early! I am determined. I want to get a jump start on book 2 (tentatively titled LOVE SUX!) and if the stars are aligned, I'll have another contracted novel to be working on as well.
This has been Mel Francis: On Writing. This blog has been brought to you by the breast offices of Ta and Ta. Please don't forget to donate.
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:20 AM |
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Tuesday, October 02, 2007
save the ta-tas!
posted by Mel Francis @ 8:31 AM |
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Monday, October 01, 2007
meet gizzard
Yes, I said Gizzard. I didn't name him, I just serve him.
Giz is a chihuahua/dachshund mix. Or you can call him a Chi-weenie or a Weeniehuahua (weenie-wahwah). He belongs to my BIL, but while Bonehead is on the USS Comfort on a humanitarian tour of duty, Gizzard is staying with the inlaws. And right now, so am I.
Gizzard really likes me and he spends lots of time in my lap or the crook of my arm. He really likes the computer, and sleeping under the covers.
We tell Gizzard he's beautiful, and if you think otherwise, keep it to yourself.
Labels: family, the 4-legged family members
posted by Mel Francis @ 9:41 PM |
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